I'm really guilty of being too hard on myself guys - I don't cut myself slack...ever. Eventually, I end up breaking and crying because of everything that I have bottled up. However, as I am getting older and as yet another birthday approaches (yikes haha), I am learning to take a moment to appreciate all the things that I have accomplished. Just taking a look at myself last year and comparing that to now, I can declare with full confidence that I have grown and have accomplished more than I thought I would. In honor of that, I wanted to do a reverse bucket list - a list that gives recognition to the things that I have accomplished in one way or another.
I love myself - I do. I love myself. I can't tell you long it has taken me to tell myself that I am important and that I am someone who is full of worth. I literally woke up one day, looked in the mirror, and said "I love myself." Saying those words out loud immediately lifted a burden off of my shoulders and suddenly everything seemed just a tad bit brighter. I won't lie and say that there aren't days where I berate and criticize everything I do but it's not nearly as bad as it once was. My standards for friendships and relationships have soared as well and I have never been happier. Knowing that I am full of worth has made me put up with less crap so I've cut out people who drain me of positive energy because ain't nobody got time for that.
I'm a senior in college - I'm less than 20 credits away from a degree!! College has kicked my ass and I've fallen down more than I can even count but I've gotten back up every single time through the help of my family, a few select friends, and my own willpower to keep going. Through deaths of people I loved, loss of people I thought would be my friends forever, being rejected over and over, I've remained standing. I've carried on. I'm on track to graduate with high honors and I'm looking forward to continuing my education so that I can help those in need. I've grounded myself and I now know that you have to keep moving. Life does not stop moving even when you are trying to not fall apart.
I've become a leader - These past couple years I've heard a lot of things about myself, some good and some bad. Recently, I heard that I'm not "firm enough" and that "I'm too nice" to possibly lead a team effectively even though I am highly qualified. I was so hurt but then I walked in to a meeting at the UN where they asked me to lead and facilitate the discussion. After that, I was chosen by an incredible researcher to train and lead the graduate students in their training at the lab. Then, a government official asked me to come in and be in charge of a group of much older policy makers to bring forth real change. I was told that I am able to take a step back and let people work but that I step in when needed which indicates true leadership. My heart soared and suddenly I wasn't feeling so hurt anymore. I was a leader not because I was the loudest, but because I was the one that listened.
I've hardened - This probably sounds so weird but let me explain. I am sensitive you guys. I am sensitive and emotional and I am proud. However, I've come to a point where I am able to control my emotions with such efficiency because in training therapy sessions or at my internship, I've gone through some awful cases that have made me want to cry. Obviously, you cannot be falling apart when you are trying to help people who need you to emulate strength and so I've learned to bottle my reactions and stay composed in the face of tragedy. I've been able to be a source of comfort for friends and family going through hell because I can keep it together. Sometimes, I'm in a room and everyone is sobbing and I am just standing there trying to comfort others and for me that is a sign of growth. I would have fallen apart and any and every tear before.
Phew - these are just some of things I am proud of. I would have never imagined myself writing this a year ago but a lot has happened. I would love to hear about things you are proud of because we should all apologetically celebrate our accomplishments. Sending lots of love, as always.
xx
No comments :
Post a Comment